Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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