My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
