You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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