nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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