I can tuck mytits in my pants
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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