Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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