I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
