I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
