Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
