That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
