Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
