You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
