she looked like the before picture.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
