Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
