I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
