My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
