You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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