I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
