ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
