We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
