i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize