The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
