Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
