I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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