So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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