Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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