the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
