So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
