my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
