yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
