dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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