It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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i would one night stand the shit outta him
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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