I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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