she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
