I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we made out on top of his cat.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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