I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
