It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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