You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Even my vagina gasped.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
