This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
