I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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