I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
