I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
