I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This house was built for laser tag.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
