So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
