Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
