some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
