will power is for people who don't want to get laid
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
