When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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