i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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