i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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