can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
