i think i have two assholes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
