There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
