I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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