ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
