what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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