I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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