My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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