I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
