it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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