i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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