maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
