Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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