absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my mouth tastes like poor choices
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
