god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
