Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
