I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
