i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
