i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
