Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
