the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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