I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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