They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
