i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
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We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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