quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
