i already hear my dad disowning me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
