Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
