So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
