So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
