Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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