just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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