Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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