Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
