How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
