i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
