i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
