Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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