margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
