I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize