Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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