rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
