You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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