Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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