well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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